Our Pastoral Care Coordinator, Steve Lybrand, recently had some conflict in a new group restore group he started. The group is called Making Life Work and it is focused on helping people deal with negative behaviors in their life and help them deal with dependency and co-dependency. Here is what Steve had to say about his recent conflict:
Often when people tell me that their group is going through conflict I tell them that it is heathy for them to work through the experience. Conflict is necessary for relationships to grow and if it is dealt with properly everyone can benefit.Last night after our MLW meeting we had a leaders meeting. An area of conflict came up. Not serious, but it did touch peoples emotions and the discussion reflected it. What I loved is that the issue was brought out, discussed in a heated fashion and the group came to a concensus with the two members it mostly effected agreeing to work out the details together. It is a classic example of what Patrick Lencioni describes should happen in The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team. Everyone got to speak, and though uncomfortable we stayed on track to resolve the situation.
How different from what many experience growing up in dysfunctional households. There are three rules generally learned in unhealthy personal or work environments; Don't speak, don't trust, don't feel. You see, in unhealthy environments speaking openly, particularly about difficult issues gets you in trouble. You can't trust because something which was perceived innocently last week might trigger an angry reaction this week. And you can't feel because those two create a crazy environment and feeling crazy is generally not an attribute. Ultimately nothing gets done and resentments build.
