Frank's Blog

Frank Chiapperino is a Teaching Pastor at Christ's Church of the Valley and founder of Small Group Help.

Tag >> relationships

One way you can bring new life to your leadership is by taking them on a retreat.  Getting them away from home and into God’s creation can do wonders.  In order to lead in an effective manner we need the undivided attention of those who follow us. It removes them from their families, their email, telephones, televisions and all the distractions that pull them away from the importance of what they do for God’s kingdom and the people they serve in their ministry. 

I have taken groups of my leaders away on a retreats for this very purpose.  I remember on one occasion I started our discussion time following the advice of Andy Stanley who wrote my favorite book on leadership, The Next Generation Leader: 5 Essentials for Those Who Will Shape the Future.  In the book Stanley says to focus on the things you're good at. The less you do, the more you accomplish. You're not very good at very many things and you can only do what only you can do.  So that is where our discussion started, we talked about what we do well as a small group ministry and why those things are going well.  It was an encouraging discussion and I think it started off our time together in the best way possible.  The words we shared lifted our spirits and helped us focus on why we do what we do.

 

The second point of discussion was fresh ideas and the third point was challenges we face.  After talking a while about the things we are good at, I opened up these other two points at the same time since talking about challenges can often lead to fresh ideas.  We talked for 3 ½ hours straight! During our discussion I saw an energy and passion for our group leaders and our ministry that I hadn’t seen  in this group in over a year. It was nothing short of amazing. 

 

To help our coach team relationally connect we did an activity called The Hot Seat at every meal.  Every time we sat down to eat, one person from the team would be chosen and we could ask that person any question about themselves we wanted and they had to answer.  It was an incredible bonding experience for the group.  Here are some questions we asked to those on the hot seat

  • How did you become a Christian?
  • When was they last time you cried and why?
  • What was your most embarrassing moment?
  • What was the last thing you did that you regret?

After the question time is over we then go around the table and say what it is that we love about the person in the hot seat. 

 

It is retreats like these that you will find laughter, tears, passion, and direction for your ministry and your leaders.  Make sure you find time for something like this every year and your ministry will thrive!


How do you encourage group members to invite others to your group?  Carter Moss, from Big Ideas About Small Groups, recommends the following:

  • Challenge your group to make a list of people to invite
  • Have a contest for whoever brings the most people to group Lead by example and invite
  • Go into service early and introduce yourself to someone sitting down
  • Hang out in the entryway and get to know people
  • Stand by the door and hand out a card with your small group info
  • Follow up with past people that have showed interest in your group
  • Participate in planned events such as the small group fair and the weekly small group table
  • Wear something that identifies you as a  "small group leader"
  • Talk positively about your small group, people are listening
  • Plan a small group social, invite your neighbors
  • Always have an empty chair in group and always be talking about inviting new people
  • When an established group has been together for a long time this can be challenging.  I will often encourage group leaders by challenging their groups with two questions:

    1. How do you feel about this small group?
    2. Knowing how important this group has been for you, dont you want to help someone else have the same experience God has provided you through these relationships? How do you encourage an invitational culture in your group?

    Sometimes our small group relationships can get stuck in a superficial limbo. There are people in our groups that we never really get to know deeply.  When that happens we miss out on the life experience that others can teach us.  Bill Search has a great activity you can do with your group to learn more about each other and go deeper with your relationships.  Take a look...

    You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this video


    Bill Donahue and Henry Cloud recently were interviewed by Anita Lustrea on Midday Connection (Moody Radio Ministries).  They talked about the fears women have about connecting in small groups and the role that relational intelligence plays in helping groups grow. 

    Life change happens in community.  Sometimes we need to create that community in the form of small groups.  Bill Donahue and Henry Cloud discuss the dynamics of groups and emotional intelligence.  Learn how to strengthen your small group experience and gain confidence to start a group.

    Click here to listen to the interview.

     

     

    Source: Dave Treat (Group Life)


    A Small Group is more than a meeting.  It is an opportunity for others to experience Jesus in a tangible way.  A friend of mine recently wrote about her experience in a local diner:

    The waitresses - Joanne ('Red'), Jackie, Sue, Elisa, Queenie, and Jamie - are happy to see me. They all know my name. No matter which one waits on me, they start by bringing me my morning beverage - iced tea/no lemon - without being asked. And they genuinely are there to serve me. 

    On days off, I take the week's newspapers and head to the diner's corner booth. It's the booth I like the best because I can hear and see what is happening in the rest of the little diner.

    From there, I have seen and heard the waitresses sing Happy Birthday to a 90 year old woman who has no family - except them. The whole restaurant joined in. 

    I have seen them fill the thermoses an extra time for the construction workers working on the road out front in the middle of a wicked cold snap. And then run out with some free donuts just because ‘those guys needed a little something special on such a cold day.'

    They notice when their elderly patrons haven't been there in awhile. They remember a baby's birth, a death of a loved one, a loss of a job. They don't solve anyone's problems. They just listen, and make sure for those few moments you are with them, that you have a full cup of coffee and a smile.  

    I don't know what each of them believes, but I see Jesus when I watch them. No judgment. No chastising. Nothing but a listening ear and a shower of kindness. Often unexpected. Always appreciated.

    Just last week, each one of them made their way to my table to ask how my sister was doing who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I told only Joanne about my sister a week earlier when she had noticed that I seemed sad. She cared enough to share my story - to share her concern for me

    When someone brand new shows up to your group, what is the experience like for them?  Do they see Jesus in a tangible way? What can we learn from this little family diner that we can apply to the small groups we lead?

    You can read Diane's full post here.


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