Sometimes group leaders can forget they need accountability and deep personal relationships. My friend Jon recently posted about this on his website:
A few weeks ago, I found myself in quite a tough spot. Many things around me seemed to be collapsing in on me, and I felt all alone. This seems kind of strange for a guy who has tooted the "GroupLife horn" for so long, but it's true. At a time when I needed a shoulder to lean on the most, I was generally isolated from the kind of relationships which would know that life was crazy for me at that moment, which would care enough to ask me how I was really doing, which would carry me through when I just couldn't muster the energy to continue.
That's when a friend of mine, Adam, jumped across the "ocean" to join me on my island. Through our conversation, he could tell I was hurting. He simply asked, "Are you in a group right now? Do you have someone to lean on? Who's got your back?"
Right in my face! Here I was the guy who was supposed to ask people this question. After all, I know how important it is to be in some type of small group. I had been leading groups and leading in group ministry for years. But...with no great excuse...when Adam asked me these questions, all I could say is, "No. I'm not in a group right now. I feel alone. And I'm not sure if anyone has my back right now."
Thankfully, Adam didn't leave it at that. He invited me to join him with a group of guys that meets every week. He said I'd be more than welcome to check it out and join them. So...I did! That's right. A few Wednesday nights ago, I drove over to a local diner and met with a crazy group of guys, who made me laugh, who listened to me, who made me think. These guys obviously don't have it all together, but they're trying to do their best to live life in a way that honors God. And they realize the importance of meeting together.
That night, Adam shared a passage from Hebrews 10 about the importance of meeting together. I'm not sure if that was meant just for me or if it was for the whole group, but it was just what I needed. I'll be checking out this group again, and I'm looking forward to being in community again. Community that will spur me on. Community that will lift me up. And community that will take me off of my island.
As leaders, we really aren't leading effectively, nor providing a good example to those that follow if we keep ourselves in isolation. Thanks for the reminder Jon!
One way you can bring new life to your leadership is by taking them on a retreat. Getting them away from home and into God’s creation can do wonders. In order to lead in an effective manner we need the undivided attention of those who follow us. It removes them from their families, their email, telephones, televisions and all the distractions that pull them away from the importance of what they do for God’s kingdom and the people they serve in their ministry.
I have taken groups of my leaders away on a retreats for this very purpose. I remember on one occasion I started our discussion time following the advice of Andy Stanley who wrote my favorite book on leadership, The Next Generation Leader: 5 Essentials for Those Who Will Shape the Future. In the book Stanley says to focus on the things you're good at. The less you do, the more you accomplish. You're not very good at very many things and you can only do what only you can do. So that is where our discussion started, we talked about what we do well as a small group ministry and why those things are going well. It was an encouraging discussion and I think it started off our time together in the best way possible. The words we shared lifted our spirits and helped us focus on why we do what we do.
The second point of discussion was fresh ideas and the third point was challenges we face. After talking a while about the things we are good at, I opened up these other two points at the same time since talking about challenges can often lead to fresh ideas. We talked for 3 ½ hours straight! During our discussion I saw an energy and passion for our group leaders and our ministry that I hadn’t seen in this group in over a year. It was nothing short of amazing.
To help our coach team relationally connect we did an activity called The Hot Seat at every meal. Every time we sat down to eat, one person from the team would be chosen and we could ask that person any question about themselves we wanted and they had to answer. It was an incredible bonding experience for the group. Here are some questions we asked to those on the hot seat
How did you become a Christian?
When was they last time you cried and why?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
What was the last thing you did that you regret?
After the question time is over we then go around the table and say what it is that we love about the person in the hot seat.
It is retreats like these that you will find laughter, tears, passion, and direction for your ministry and your leaders. Make sure you find time for something like this every year and your ministry will thrive!
The small group that I attend recently started meeting again after an extended winter break. Sometimes breaks are healthy things and they help us realize how important spiritual growth and community in the church really is to us. However, some people are resistant to engaging in relationships and immersing themselves in group life. For whatever reason, some just don't understand that you can't program community and spiritual growth for everyone (and I use both of those things intentionally because I believe they go hand in hand). There is something organic that happens in our churches, specifically when it comes to relationships. These natural relationships result in communities, and when these people that exist in authentic community with one another it is a catalyst for spiritual growth. While we can't "program" relationships in our churches we can encourage them by being more intentional with our time. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, "I just don't have time for a group right now in my life."
When you are plugged into a small group that you really call home; you understand what community is. Community as God intended it. But no matter how many churchwide campaigns and big sign ups we do to promote our groups, still not everyone gets it. So what gives? How can we help those who do not get it to understand how valuable biblical community is? I think there are three things we can do to help.
Talk To God About It
Before Jesus chose his disciples he prayed. "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles." (Luke 6:12-13). Do we know who He wants us to be in community with? We should be asking God who He wants us to invite to our groups. Then actually taking the step to invite them.
Connect With Them
When Jesus found His followers He went to their world. Where they lived, where they worked, He went into their reality. He took the time to invest in a real relationship with the people he built community with. Without a relationship, without a real connection, without a personal invitation, why would someone join your small group? I think by not expecting people to come to us and by being more intentional with the way we build relationships, God will provide us with opportunities to extend some very meaningful invitations. Then, and only then, will we see our groups grow.
Redefine Community
When I study the Bible I do not remember Jesus inviting followers to a meeting. When I see the disciples gathering with their Master, I see Jesus gathering people for a purpose. Our small groups gather for a purpose. When our groups are just a Bible study with questions that are asked, just to simply get a "correct" answer, then our time together becomes meaningless. Our groups should be places where people connect with God and each other. I know that I want to live life with my small group, to be like family, to live in real community.Hopefully we can make our small groups a place where people want to live life together. Each of us, at every gathering, have the opportunity to help someone else find what we have. That supernatural thing that we have to share is biblical community. If we do this together our groups will be busting at the seams!
How do you encourage group members to invite others to your group? Carter Moss, from Big Ideas About Small Groups, recommends the following:
Challenge your group to make a list of people to invite
Have a contest for whoever brings the most people to group Lead by example and invite
Go into service early and introduce yourself to someone sitting down
Hang out in the entryway and get to know people
Stand by the door and hand out a card with your small group info
Follow up with past people that have showed interest in your group
Participate in planned events such as the small group fair and the weekly small group table
Wear something that identifies you as a "small group leader"
Talk positively about your small group, people are listening
Plan a small group social, invite your neighbors
Always have an empty chair in group and always be talking about inviting new people
When an established group has been together for a long time this can be challenging. I will often encourage group leaders by challenging their groups with two questions:
How do you feel about this small group?
Knowing how important this group has been for you, dont you want to help someone else have the same experience God has provided you through these relationships? How do you encourage an invitational culture in your group?
Sometimes our small group relationships can get stuck in a superficial limbo. There are people in our groups that we never really get to know deeply. When that happens we miss out on the life experience that others can teach us. Bill Search has a great activity you can do with your group to learn more about each other and go deeper with your relationships. Take a look...
. In the book Stanley says to focus on the things you're good at. The less you do, the more you accomplish. You're not very good at very many things and you can only do what only you can do. So that is where our discussion started, we talked about what we do well as a small group ministry and why those things are going well. It was an encouraging discussion and I think it started off our time together in the best way possible. The words we shared lifted our spirits and helped us focus on why we do what we do. 