One thing that never leaves a leader's plate is confrontation and conflict resoultion. However, sometimes it is challenging to know when you need to confront someone. I recently had to confront a family member on an inssue and it got me asking this question - How do we know when we should confront someone? A while back David Foster, author and pastor of The Gathering Church, wrote 10 signs it is time to confront:
1. It's time to confront when things aren't working out even after you've given them sufficient time to do so.
2. When you're avoiding each other.
3. When your silence is more about fear than the truth.
4. When allowing the contact to go on is hurting the other person.
5. When the contact is hurting other people.
6. When you see there is still time to redeem the relationship, the job, the person, or the potential future.
7. When you're responsible for the health and well-being of the people involved in the situation. You have the power to do something, therefore you have the obligation.
8. When you're able to separate the behavior from the person. You love the person always, even though you can't support the behavior.
9. When your integrity and reputation as a friend, manager, leader, or business owner is on the line, it's time to confront.
10. When you understand that sometimes love must be tough if it's truly love. Love that is based on a lie is indulgence. Love that is based on truth and applied with mercy and grace is truly a gift from God.
Last year I this time of year I was thinking about this topic when reading through proverbs. If you want to read my reflections, click here. One piece of advice as you proceed with dealing with conflict in your group and in your church... the longer you wait, the harder it gets. Do it now.
