Sometimes as group leaders we can be control freaks. And in a small group environment we need to remember that when we are too controlling in during our meetings it can often mean we are less relevant.
Often when we are making our way through a Bible study we have prepared for, or some other study guide we've purchased, a topic will pop up during discussion that the study doesn't address. I'll never forget the day that my group was right in the middle of our Bible study in the book of James and we were supposed to be talking about temptation because that is what I was prepared for! However, my group needed to have a different discussion that night.
Every question we discussed during our study kept bringing us back to the sermon we had heard on Sunday. The previous Sunday's sermon was all about gossip and healthy conflict resolution. After having two questions in a row on temptation turn into discussion on gossip and conflict I quickly realized I needed to close the study guide and put it down. We completely shifted gears and spent the next 30min going where the group needed.
To be an effective discussion leader in our groups we have to remember not to be a control freak about our prepared studies or study guides. While those tools are great, they cant predict the needs that our group has each week. So as a leader, pay attention to where your discussion is going and pray for God to help you let the needs of your group control the discussion and not you.
Remaining "out of control" is a lot easier when you keep a few key things in mind:
1. It's not your group. It belongs to God. You can't make it successful no matter how hard you work at it. Small group success comes from the throne of God and doing what he's already busy doing.
2. Focus on spending time with members between meetings, not studiously preparing Bible study questions for the group to discuss. Small groups are supposed to be highly personal, interactive and relational, not Bible studies. Anyone can get that in a Sunday School classroom on Sunday morning in a traditional, down-the-line denominational church in town.
3. The meetings should have a huge WOW factor and the leader can provide this by ensuring there are just one or two interpretation questions on the passage and then one or two very personal application questions that are open ended and shared in different subgroups week after week. This week, men and women split up. Next week, if all the husbands and wives are there, split up into couples. The week after, count off 1-2-3 and split up in to three smaller groups.
4. Encourage everyone in the group to leave their personal agendas at home or confess it as a sin during worship. If a group (and especially the leader) takes Matt. 18:20 literally (where two or three come together in my name...) and shows up just to be with Christ in their midst with no other overarching goal or task, taking control is impossible. It's the Martha and Mary story really... determine with your group members to be a Mary group and sit at the foot of Christ and be with him and be ministered to through other Christ-inhabited members of the group.
If a leader practices these four things, there's no way he or she could feel a sense of control over the group or its members.